How to Slaughter a Chicken

Some things appear very simple until you see someone really having a rough time. At that time you stop, look and really wonder!Are you supposed to laugh, symphathise or just walk away. As for me, I just laugh and thats what i did yesterday when i saw someone chasing a hen. You are wondering a hen? Yes a big hen and in my case it was a headless hen. Whatttt? Seems this lady was slaughtering or do i call it butchering a hen when the creature decided it would not surrender the head without a fight. If you thought catching a hen is a big thing, wait until its a headless one. The direction for one, is helter skelter which means that the creature with no head and eyes is just running with no sense of direction. It would be funny if it just ran directly into the hot water you have prepared for its unfeathering (is there such a word?)

OK, I live in Thika Town but we have a farm in my rural place. This has exposed me to a life of occasionally having to slaughter chicken. There was this day together with a buddy, we slaughterd a record 200 chicken in one night. You can call me a Certified Chicken Killer (CCK with Hons) but i have enough experience in that field. When I woke up today i just thought it as a good idea to share with all Thika Live readers a short lesson on how to slaughter a chicken. I love animals and poultry in particular and thats why i will refrain from using the word 'to butcher' or 'murder' a chicken. Plus there are numerous animal "human" rights activists i wouldn't want to upset. But all in all chicken meat  especially roasted is yummy and nutritious and since you cant eat chicken meat without that unfortunate creature loosing its life, then its okay if we start the lesson.

 1. Spot the poor victim (ladies are already feeling sorry for the hen and are wondering, ama leo tukule githeri..)No !!..Today you want chicken so you need to brace yourself

2.Arrest the suspect..Please be prepared to run especially if the suspect sees you come from kitchen with a knife. If I was a chicken, I would rather escape the previous night. Element of surprise is important if the animal is not tethered in any way. If not tethered you can make good use of your small brother, your energetic son or the local plot boys. If they insist on being paid for that just give them a few coins, otherwise they will be hang around until the chicken is fully roasted and they will demand their share..Kwani ni wao ulikuwa unachinjia??
3. Hyponitize the chicken. You are wondering what i mean by that. Make the animal feel at home and apprecate that whatever you are about to do is necessary or some one else will do it later. At this point stroke the chicken gently on the head and neck. This makes it relax and tame its tendency to run headless.
4. You will need an extremly sharp knife..Please my friends who insist on using a heavy piece of wood or a baseball bat to hit the chicken head, thats not fair or "human".
Kindly tie the chicken feet with a soft piece of rope.
Roll the animal in an upside down positon. Place it on a block of wood while holding the legs..This may suprise the chicken but we are already gone too far. There is no turning back..mmmmm i can even smell the roast chicken meat. NEXT

5. This may become a bit bloody kuku lazima tukule leo...Maintain the position for a few seconds. This upside position to a chicken translates to a state before sleep. You might see your victim trying to fight off sleep. This is the time to strike..Gently step on the chicken legs (a bit traditional but this is what i do) Hold the tip of the chicken head and in a flash, behead the chicken just a few inches from the head.
6. Maintain the position holding  the headside in a upside postion to make sure that blood fully drains. This is the most important part since the chicken is not yet dead and if it escapes be ready to chase it around until every breath of life is gone..
7. On standby you should have water boiled at 100 degrees for stripping the chicken naked. (You said there is no such word like unfeathering). Dip the now dead chicken into the hot water and give it a minute or two.Start plucking off the feathers throwing them into an empty bin which you will dispose later.
8. Wait a minute where the hell did you throw the head. Some people consider it meaty while others feed it to the dogs. Beware if you feed it to the dogs you are cultivating a very bad culture . Like the proverbial Tekayo, the dog could turn on the living chicken. Throw the head together with the feathers into a disposable gabbage bin.
9. On the chicken breast bone (kind of  like its chest), make a vertical cut staying close to the rib cage. At this point you could have tied the chicken to a a piece of wood or your small brother is holding it for you.

10. After making the separating cut through the chest, Gently take out the interiors of the chicken which consists of all the internal organs and put them into a seperate container. Be cautious not to burst any organ unless your want the meat to have the bitter taste that emanicipates from a burst bile duct..(ama ni pancreatic gland).Pass flowing water into the now empty interior to rid it of all remnants.
11. Slice off the legs at the hip bone and you can further shorthen them at the corresponding joints. Do the same on the wings and the neck. The remaining part is the breast bone which you can slice into smaller pieces.
12. From the interiors pieces, gently remove the liver and lungs plus the gizzard, if you so wish. Open the gizzard up and drain the sandy particles inside. Wash it up and peel its interior. All this are part of the diet.
13. Discard all the feathers, remaining interior pieces and the lower limbs.
The ready meat is just an hour away.
Its ready for cooking....

If you do it differrently, we welcome your suggestions on Thika Live or on our Facebook page.
One thing am sure of, in the next life i wouldn't want to be a chicken, would you??






pictures courtesy of Google